Sister Neel April 19, 2021

 

our favorite kids ever!! after dinner they asked if they could put their masks on so they could hug us ♡ we LOVE the Diaz family 

What's up everybody?! 

Man this week was something else XD. The APs and vehicle coordinator sent us a fun email and explained that our mission as a whole went 26,000 miles over our allotted amount...insane right? Because of this they were now hounding down on miles even more and said that any companionship that went over their allotted amount for the month would get their car taken away. It wasn't even halfway through the month and sister Larsen and I were at 530 miles out of the 1000 we're given. Our closest member lives 20 mins away and our church building is 15 mins away. We eat with members every night and have to go to the church building multiple times to use the computer. Because of this it eats up our miles fast. With more than half a month to go and knowing the last two weeks of April were going to be insane with driving long distances for meetings or exchanges, we decided to cut all service, in person lessons and member dinners to preserve what we had left. It made for quite a slow week and way too much time spent in the apartment but we managed to get a lot of zoom lessons in! Funny enough the people that haven't answered our phone calls in weeks finally picked up and we scheduled lessons with them! One of them being CL and Lisa Frazier who have been taught all the lessons in PMG (Preach My Gospel) and have wanted to know more just have been so busy. Even Joe Parrish...remember him? He let us know he's been thinking a lot about the church and has had thoughts about coming back. He asked us to come over and help him clean up the road he lives on and to bring his and our friend brother day! Even Sister Allen, a less active member, had taken our invitation and read the Book of Mormon! When we had our lesson with her she let us know that IT IS TRUE! She felt the holy ghost testify to her stronger than ever that this book contains the fullness of the gospel and she needs to keep growing her testimony. We set up an in person lesson with Jaw, and a bible study with Lee Needham to help keep him on the covenant path since he's a recent convert and LOVES to study the Bible and Book of Mormon. Such a cool turn out! We may have been stuck in our apartment but the Lord blessed us with lots to do. 

Sister Larsen and I were able to give talks in sacrament meeting last Sunday! Our topics were on the golden rule, so I happened to get "not judging others." I was a little nervous because it's a touchy topic but I poured over conference talks, scriptures and personal accounts from prophets or scripture stories to better get across this message. And it went really well! I think the best part tho was while we were sitting on the stand we get a text from Tina Marie letting us know the zoom camera can see the entire stand and i need to stop fussing with my hair XD she's my favorite Southern woman ever, pretty much my mom 2.0 XD 

A lot of members swarmed us after the meeting and thanked us for speaking to their hearts and allowing the spirit to flood the room. Brother Croft said he watched Lucy Schmid who sat next to us on the stand (she's the one that wipes down the mic after each person speaks. She's also a member of one of the families we've grown super close with) looked over at us and her eyes were just glowing because she got to sit next to some of the two coolest spiritual giants. He even said his daughter who is in young women absolutely adores our presence and is beginning to pattern her life in a more gospel related way now that she sees what serving a mission can do to people. Such touching words! Even Tina Marie called and thanked us for our talks. She told me that the personal story I shared had her and sister Harper "cryin like banshees" and it takes a lot for "this old bat" to cry XD She thanked me for hitting home on a more personal topic and how well I did keep everyone engaged. Including her since she has major ADHD. She kept saying, "sister lace I LOVE YOU. And I ain't lettin' you leave North Carolina." XD we love her so much. It was special though because our mission mom, Sister Black, sent the zoom link to our parents and they were able to watch it! So cool! 

(*Long paragraph warning*)

 Before I end this email I feel strongly to be open and honest about a personal situation. As missionaries, there's so much good that happens but a lot of behind the scenes that people don't know about. With me now being vulnerable you get an inside scoop on how missions can be sometimes. I have suffered with a lot of different health problems including my peanut allergy and torn sternum but new things have come to the light as I've been out here. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety, something that isn't on a major scale but big enough it has created difficulty while on my mission. It wasn't brought into the light until after my mission nurse reached out after my urgent care visit with my sternum and let me know she thinks I have anxiety and panic attacks and referred me to a mission counselor. After explaining my emotions and all that I had been through in the first few weeks of my mission it became clear of what I had. It's been a very difficult journey...there were days where I would have 5 panic attacks a day and I didn't know why. Most of them would happen in public where I couldn't talk things out with my companion and no one knew I was suffering because it all takes place inside of me. It began hindering the work and anytime we left the apartment it was a guarantee I would have a panic attack. I was extremely frustrated and lost. I am someone who is down for any adventure, loves new things, talking to people and forming friendships and yet my panic attacks would occur when I did those things. I felt like a burden to my companion and couldn't understand why I was struggling so much in my first few weeks. I felt like I was giving my all only to remain defeated and exhausted by the end of the day. When our zone had mission interviews, the seriousness of my health was discussed from both President and Sister Maurer and they lovingly let me know that out of concern for me and my well being if my health didn't improve by the end of this transfer they were going to send home so I could get medical help. This broke my heart...all I wanted was to be seen as a strong, faithful, dependable and hard working missionary and yet every obstacle had been thrown at me to make this from happening. No one wants to talk about going home when you're not even two transfers into your mission...it hurt on such a different level. Last Friday, I decided to start weighing the pros and cons of staying in the NCRM or going home and doing a service mission. I spent hours studying the scriptures and coming to know the meaning behind the Savior's atonement, because not only did He overcome sin and death but He knows perfectly how we feel when we go through trials or hardships. I began learning more about Jesus Christ by reading Chapter 3, The need for a Redeemer, in the book Jesus is the Christ, it then lead me to study the meaning of sacrifice in gospel topics, which lead me to the ultimate sacrifice, Christs atonement and I poured over several conference talks and scriptures, I was then lead to charity, then service, looping back to who Jesus Christ is and ended with my purpose as a missionary in PMG (Preach My Gospel). In one of the beginning paragraphs it explains "that as our understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ grows, our desire to share the gospel will increase. We will feel as Lehi did, the 'great...importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth.'" And after 4 days of intense study my desire to share these same glad tidings grew. I then felt prompted last Tuesday to read my patriarchal blessing. It talks very specifically about my mission and the fact I would receive companions who would be in need of my love, support and guidance. Part of my missionary opportunity of converting and strengthening my companions would be as much work as going out and finding people to teach. It also talks very specifically about serving in a land of my Heavenly Fathers choosing and the specific people that are waiting for what I bring. In a service mission, you don't get companions so I felt like this was an answer to prayer but I didn't know how to go on with where my mental health was. That night I laid out two plans to the Lord and prayed for insight and direction as to where He needed me to be. That next afternoon I received an email from my mom answering all the questions I had in my prayer and the very specific direction that I was needing to hear. She was literally bringing me the answers to prayer I had been seeking from Heavenly Father. I was overwhelmed with immense peace and love and I felt such a strong prompting of, "I need you here. It won't be easy but it will be worth it." Suddenly from out of nowhere I received strength and intense faith that although overcoming these health challenges would take time and all the faith I could muster, I would be receiving strength from heaven and support for my missionary service. The answer was clear and undeniable. I felt so grateful for my mom being so in tune with the spirit and sending me EXACTLY what I needed to hear. With this game plan I felt prompted to reach out to my DL for a blessing and reach out to my STLs for support as I was now working towards taking over the area after training. The support I received from them was incredible...Sister Lagos, one of my STLs let me know when I went on exchanges with sister Bernal, the following day all she did was talk about how amazing of a missionary I am and how me being there for Antwon's lesson was no coincidence...I was needed there. She let me know how much they love me and how much the NCRM needs me, going home is out of the question. They said I was their hero and someone who had the faith that they were striving to be like. So touching! I am blessed with such amazing missionaries to serve with, a companion who supports me lovingly and fully through this all,  a mission president and wife who would do anything for me, a mission nurse who checks up on me constantly, my counselor Dr. Marshall who has helped me overcome so many mental thoughts and most importantly my loving family who has been my rock and foundation through this all. There's so many people working towards keeping me out here. I can confidently say this past week was the best week I had health wise, my panic attacks were very few and far between. God really is a God of miracles. He hasn't given up on me and helps me see that when I put all my faith and trust in Him, my life is perfect. So please...if any of you have suggestions or know more about panic attacks and anxiety, feel free to share some input with me! I am open to all suggestions as I continue serving the Lord. Keep me in your prayers too ;)) My mission isn't over...it's just beginning. I want to be able to look my Savior in the eyes and tell Him, "I gave you everything I had." And I cannot wait :))

That was a crazy long email but if you made it to this point i applaud you:)) sure love you guys!!

♡♡♡

Sister neel